|
Toronto
Star Ontario
ed.
LIFE
Saturday, June 8, 1996
Joan and Dipanker
(Dubby) Mahalanobis call their two children the fruits of
"a labor of love" that spanned almost 3 1/2 years.
Tiya, 3 1/2, and
Marc, 1 1/2, were both born in Calcutta, the City of Joy, in
India.
Their adoption
and arrival at the couple's Ajax home was "a miracle that
involved much legwork and patience," says Joan.
The couple had
decided on adoption in January, 1992, after efforts to conceive
a child proved fruitless.
Dubby,
vice-president of an insurance company, and Joan, who runs her
own consulting business, had been too wrapped up in their
careers in the '80s to think about children then.
"It was only
later when I saw my nieces and nephews that I felt we were
missing something," recalls Joan, now in her 40s. "All
of a sudden we wanted kids, but it wasn't as easy as we had
thought."
When they decided
on adoption, there was no question that they
would go to India
for their children.
Joan, who met
Dubby in Canada in the '70s, had studied and was fascinated by
the Hindu religion and India. She converted to Hinduism and they
married in the Hindu tradition in Calcutta in 1978.
"I fell in
love with the country and its people, especially Calcutta, where
my husband was born," she says.
"I knew that
I wanted two Hindu children from Calcutta, a girl and then a
boy."
Arranging
adoption across two continents was "a long and complicated
process," she notes. "But we had ample assistance from
two caring countries - Canada and India."
Joan had already
contacted an adoption agency in Calcutta - the Society of Indian
Children's Welfare, which was recommended by friends and is
recognized by the Canadian government.
While the agency
didn't charge an adoption fee, the couple made donations of
about $1,000 per child.
In April, 1993,
Joan left for Calcutta, where she lived for 3 1/2 months while
paperwork was processed and the adoption finalized. She
familiarized herself with the Bengali language and studied
the
country.
MOTHER-IN-LAW
HELPED
Her
mother-in-law, who speaks no English, helped her
with the
adoption.
"Through
pidgin English, sign language and a mutual love for each other,
my mother-in- law and I communicated on the finer points of the
adoption process.
"I have to
admit that her input was invaluable and I owe her a great deal.
I was organized but lacked the experience and the instinct of a
mother and grandmother."
The day finally
came when Joan set eyes on 5-month-old Tiya, whose name was then
Mala.
"She was as
cute as a button and by some strange stroke of fate she
resembled our family. I still remember she wore a pink dress and
smiled all the time.
"It was love
at first sight and I knew she was mine."
Joan's
mother-in-law took a more pragmatic approach, recommending the
baby because "she has good bones and her head is a
good
shape."
Joan renamed her
daughter Madamanti, which means "receptacle of honey."
Tiya is her nickname.
"Names mean
a lot in Hindu culture. Tiya means 'green parrot.' I had her
astrological chart done by a Tibetan lama and he told me Tiya
would be a great talker. Well, he was right. She chatters like
a
parrot."
The agency had
warned Joan that legal, immigration and medical documentation
would take time.
"I told them
I had all the time in the world to wait for my baby. I used to
go every day to hold her, feed her and play with her. From the
start I could see that Tiya was healthy, strong-willed and
active. I felt she was a special baby, but maybe all mothers
feel that way!"
Once when she was
carrying Tiya down a Calcutta street, a local woman stopped and
asked her who the baby was.
Joan answered,
"This is my daughter."
"But she is
so dark while you are so fair," the woman said.
Joan laughed and
replied, "If you think she's dark, you should
see her
father."
She loves to
relate this incident to elucidate her point that love knows no
skin color, caste or creed.
Tiya came home to
Canada in August, 1993. A year later, Joan went back to Calcutta
for their second child.
"A boy is
more difficult to adopt, and we were aware of that, but most of
the legwork had already been done," she says.
SMOTHERED WITH
LOVE
"Marc was a
frail child. He was 2 weeks old when I saw him and not too
strong. The agency advised me not to 'bond' with Marc in case he
was not well enough to travel back with me."
Her instinct,
though, "was to smother this child with love.
"I fed him,
talked to him and held him until he gradually gained weight and
started to show
signs of becoming a healthy, happy child."
She stayed in
Calcutta for six months until Marc was strong enough to travel
to Canada in April, 1995.
"The kids
are an absolute delight," enthuses Dubby, who takes turns
with Joan looking after them.
They are prepared
to tell the children they are adopted.
"After
all," muses Joan, "even though I did not give physical
birth to Tiya and Marc, they are born from my heart."
Copyright
© 1996 Toronto Star, All Rights Reserved.
|
