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Toronto Star
LIFE
Monday,
September 18, 2000
This is your Life
When we new Canadians do
something "typically Canadian" in our adopted land, it makes us
feel as though we belong; as though we are part of the mainstream.
I can count dozens of
little incidents in 10 years of Canadian living that gave us that buzz.
Usually these are things that we didn't do as part of our life before we
came to Canada. For example: the first time my son went to camp, our first
visit to a cottage, our first night at the opera, the kids' first baseball
game, our first taste of Thanksgiving turkey - all these were exciting new
ventures into Canadian life.
I guess this is the
"assimilation and integration" part of our immigration into
Canada.
Though native-born
Canadians may take all this in stride, for South Asians like us, it's a
whole new phenomenon and a new lifestyle that takes getting used to.
However, as we adopt new ways, we also tend to cling to our own heritage
and sometimes it's difficult to make a clean break.
Early this summer, my
spouse and I agreed to let our two teenage boys get summer jobs. This
isn't an easy task. We South Asians generally like to baby our kids
throughout their lives.
There's the whole culture
of being overly protective, keeping them dependent on us and at home for
as long as we can. (I'm talking through university, jobs, marriage and
their firstborn!)
Back home, it's unheard of
to let teenage girls work outside the home during their school years and
boys are usually so spoiled that they don't have to.
I remember our sons asking
us last year if they could get summer jobs because all their friends were
working. I was appalled and asked them, "Why do you want to
work?" They said it's good experience and good money.
I promised them both
experience and money and decided not to tell anyone that they want to work
(it's like dishonour to the family) and thought that was the end of it.
This summer, however, their
persistence and peer pressure got to us and we decided that we have to
start thinking "Canadian."
So my baby (14 years old)
applied for his first paper route and got it.
On his first day on the
job, it rained. So what did the overprotective mother do? She put on her
raincoat, loaded son and papers in the car and patiently drove him through
his paper route.
Before I knew it, I proudly
had myself a paper route and my son had either my spouse or me delivering
his papers at least 90 per cent of the time.
When not en route, I was on
a guilt trip like a blue-blooded South Asian mom.
My son cashed in on this
immediately. "Poor ol' me, out in the bad weather, delivering papers.
If grandma ever finds out, she'll freak and call me back to the native
land. So help me, Mom and Dad - I've never done this before."
He's clever - he gave me
his first salary cheque because he knew this is what his father and
grandfather had done as part of an age-old Eastern tradition.
Thrilled to the gills, I
immediately doubled the amount and gave it back to him. There's apparently
a Canadian word for parents like us - dupes.
My older son, who's 17, was
offered many jobs at grocery stores but we suggested he shouldn't spend
his summer stocking shelves and find something more challenging.
So, when he was selected to
stock carts at Wonderland we agreed it was intellectual enough for us.
After all Wonderland sounds more prestigious than "The Local Grocery
Store" and we are a sort of elitist community, so we needed a strong
name to justify his working at all.
You would have thought he
got a job with the Royal Bank. This time the proud parents sent e-mails,
told everyone at work and could hardly contain our parental pride.
My colleagues thought I was
a bit strange. Their kids have been working summers since they turned
teenagers and here I was, acting as though my son is the only child who
ever launched a distinguished career.
In our community it's
acceptable to boast. After all, this is a big step towards Canadian
acceptance for us as South Asian parents.
Response from back home was
depressing, along the lines of, "are you guys in such a financial
crunch that you're forcing your young children to work? If you can't look
after them, send them back home where they will be well cared for . .
."
As a result, we're caught
somewhere between a rock and a hard place, as you Canadians put it so
well. We're feeling very assimilated into Canadian life for having let our
sons work summer jobs. However, our South Asian psyche hasn't allowed us
to completely let go of the apron strings.
We are admittedly proud
parents but we've inherited an unwanted paper route and seem to spend a
lot of time on the road between Wonderland and our home - out-of-pocket
expenses that supplement our sons' income.
The boys were thrilled to
realize that a combination of South Asian and Canadian values can work
wonders for them. They've truly found what we've always called "the
best of both worlds."
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© 2000 Toronto Star, All Rights Reserved.
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