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I'm
glad summer's nearly over - not only so kids can return to school.
They were the least of my problem because I hardly saw them. I
spent my summer waiting on hordes of guests from back home. Apart
from physical and emotional exhaustion, I swear I can drive to the
airport blindfolded, I've seen Niagara Falls at least a dozen
times in two months, every salesperson in the Eaton Center knows
me and I've run out of cheap places to feed hungry guests. I'm not being
mean because I pride myself on South Asian hospitality, but give me a break! When
we moved to Canada, relatives groaned, "Oh you're going so far away to that cold land, we'll never be able to
visit you." Yeah right! So who told them about summer in Canada?
While
griping to friends, I realize I'm not the only one who suffers the
onslaught of inconsiderate guests. Many of us (South Asian by
birth) are inundated with packs of ill-informed relatives (and
their distant relatives) who descend on us every summer with short
notice, expecting to be picked up and dropped off, driven around,
fed three main home cooked meals a day, entertained, wined, dined and
given gifts as they depart with two extra suitcases. Not to
mention the phone bill which indicates that they called everyone
coast-to-coast in North America.
I
believe you can take the South Asian out of South Asia but you can't
take Asian customs out of the person. I refer to myself and the
fact that I don't have the gumption to tell my guests to ride public
transit, feed them one main meal a day, give them sandwiches
for lunch, point them in the direction of the shops and insist they take
the bus tour instead of waiting for me to take them sightseeing after
work everyday. Every time I think of cutting corners, my
mother's spirit haunts me and preaches the virtues of being a good host.
A
friend, drained from lugging a dozen family members shopping and to the
beach for the whole day commented, we must be stupid to emotionally,
financially and physically exhaust ourselves for our guests; we
ignore our kids, go to work bleary-eyed,
take vacation to accommodate their needs and don't even get a
thank-you note in return because it's not done in our culture. Her
aunt had handed her a hundred rupee note (approx CDN$2.50) while
leaving!
It
wouldn't be so frustrating if they came with an open mind (an open
wallet would also help). Some of them arrive here with
pre-conceived notions about Canada and constantly compare their
lifestyle to ours, so we have the added onus of defending our choice of
living here.
Like
my sister (who I love to bits, in case someone sends her a copy of this
piece). Having seen too much of Geraldo and Baywatch, the two most
popular TV programs in Pakistan, she came to Toronto recently,
expecting the worst. As she saw families with kids her
comment was, "I thought Canadians were not the family type!" Other
things she thought were: homes get cleaned by themselves, everyone
drinks and smokes, incest and abuse is common, women walk around in
bikinis and there are only white Christians in Canada.
It
didn't take long to set her straight. My sister dresses
traditionally and covers her head. While traveling, an airline
attendant asked me if she understood English. Sis, a graduate who
majored in English literature said "how ignorant, all this is
learned
from the media". One night, she decided to take a walk outside
and triggered our burglar alarm. When multi national neighbors rushed to
our assistance, sis saw the light. She confessed she
understands what stereotyping means and that it can work both ways.
While she's not moving to Canada, she's gone back a bit enlightened,
carrying a few instructions for the next batch of visitors, who may
arrive any day.
While
I recharge my batteries and gear up for the next onslaught of guests,
I've thought of a few precautions I might take next year:
-
get
an unlisted phone number and change my name
to Smith or Jones
-
tell
relatives I've moved to Yellowknife - they won't
even look for me
-
tell
them the Falls are closed for cleaning
-
best
of all - lock up the house and go there for the summer
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